And im shouting loud and clear the truth and my name. Im strong enough. Maybe im not. This is not the point i dont care. And im telling myself what my dream is, but hide it to everyone that could make fun of me, of it. I want people to take it seriously. When im too scared to show what it is about to my own Mom or lover. My fucking own lover. I hide everything to everyone. So im not true. Not entirely in fact. Im sorely sorry if i disappoint you baby, but i wont apologize for who i am (no nooooooo hahahaha). So here it goes :
Yes i failed at my exams. No im not interested in the British Parliament or political parties. Yes i made a mistake and YES it was on purpose like expected. And yes my ambition is only playing music, and if possible earning money with it. What i am doing right now is the proof i managed to do what i wanted to. So dont fuck up with me. Yes id like to leave you and visit the whole world, and meet the most people as possible to be able to tell how life has to be lived. Yes im thinking higher than you. And i think you're all stuck in society, and im also selfish enough not to tell you about the truth about living. This is just impossible to lobotomize a brain, expecially when youre born with no argumentation skills like me. I prefer let things go, and let you drown in deep shit. This will make me shine then. Yes selfish. This is the key. Im especially saying this to my older sister (though i dont have a little one but). But its your way to be happy its too late for you, they lobotomized you. Notice that ill always love you. Then, yes mama. Im going to live on the road, with unknown people, or all knows? I managed to do the best thing to grow up in that world. Relationship, experimentation, living with its age, dont miss anything. Every person around me took me something more to build me. Even that weird guy that was screaming like a dolphin in school when i was younger. That guy built me in a way. So much. Fact of my life : I'm drowning in debauchery when i'm feeling bad. And even more when I'm alright. And yes im dinking a lot. Dont think people around influence me. Theyre not. Were growing together, were experiencing things. And yes im smoking a lot. Not only cigarettes. And yes im taking drugs. And yes im having sex with guys. Dont think its because i dont tell you anything that nothing happens. There are just things that cant be said. Some things has to be hidden to the weak faces. Theres no lie if u dont tell. Ull just have to wish no one asks about it. Cause lying is bad (most of the time). So yes. Again im fucking sorry not to fit your ideal. Im sorry i am that dumb, that selfish, that stubborn, that mad to live, that amazed by life. Im breathless but i want more and more. Ill be hit one day, ill deserve it. Good thiiiiiiiings happens. And it maybe will be the time for me to lose each form of fun... im not waiting that day. But you know what ? I cant wait to regret to have missed all these classes at uni. Because it will mean my life will take a wonderful turning point. And I know baby, im sure, Mary Jane will still be hung on my shoulder, ill still make her cry. And they will ask for it. Yes.
I recorded a song in studio, then two others. Made concerts. I walked on a parked car. I had a car accident. I saw my cat dying. I stole the most expensive Vodka in an open truck. I tagged some streets in my town (but i prefer saying i colored it). I went to the beach for three days without having anywhere to sleep in. So i slept on the beach for three days. I met a guy from Australia during an All Time Low show And we fell deeply in love. Its still the best love story i ever had. I went in a closed movie theater and got drunk hidden in it (and also had sex in it). I danced on a big stage in front of more than 3 hundreds people. I danced on the bar of my favorite pub to have free shooters. I visited and installed myself into a stray (and haunted) factory. I made love on the beach, on a bridge, on waterfront, in sunny countryside, such cool places. So what. Im working in a theater and meet actors everyday. I got drunk at work. I sang and danced (while i was drunk) in front of all of the work staff and my Dad. I got undressed in a bar after having tagged the toilet of it. I smoked a cigarette in highschool's library. Rolled pots in the toilets everytime the cleaner came in and asked me what i was doing. I took drugs. I decided on the morning to take the train and go to the south to an electro music festival on the beach that was taking place on the evening. I met the most weird people (but not all of them). I colored my hair once, then had it red. I love literature but im not listening to my literature class. Hehe. I went to my ancient highschool, and spitted on the chairs. I met that Laeticia Casta and celebrated the new year with her. Ive lived in three different country. I was born in a totally off topic country. I formed a rock n roll band. I played to the cowboys and the Idians with my bf, and neighbour told us to make less noise. I scared people on the street with my fake gun. I also made hold ups on the street when i was drunk with that fake gun to ask people cigarettes in exchange of their safe lives. I met lots of people again. I danced indian dance in front of all my primary school, in an indian restaurant and at a birthday party. Shame. I stole cocoa powder in a bar. Everytime i go to a place i love stealing something there so i have a souvenir of it. Imma cut a pigeon in two but dont tell anyone. I followed a little girl untill she got home just to scare her cuz it was funny. I shot lots of amateur horror movie with my other bf, when i always had the role of the monster. I love screaming like a monster. I once had three boys at the same time. A hard time. I swam by night. Ive always managed to get out of my problems. My cat and my rabbit are friends (?). I always laugh alone. And imagining my rabbit replying to me with my Dad's voice makes me laugh at death. Rubber is such a cool movie cuz it got no utility. I broke lots of heart not on purpose. Im seen as a naive hippie. And as a kind, and sexy one whereas i sometimes try to be mean and im not sexy at all. I met a homeless guy from Ireland, and I try to help him to find a job and motivation to live. Wish i managed.. i always hated fancy dress party cuz no one could figure out what i was dressed in. Fact of my life. Ive almost been carried away by the Police cuz i sang a song too loud that they didnt like. I walked in a closed parking lot just to find toilet where i could pee. I went to the restaurant with a friend, and invited him. (It was a nice restaurant) we got drunk in it and made fun of the waitress and servers. One month i got a Christmas bonus and received more than 800 $. Best day of my life. Im going to do a camp rock stuff, you know its a thing like that, when you only play music in countryside. Yay. Boys always offers me presents and I dont give anything. I went to a theater festival, crazy stuff. It happens. I scared children hidden under a slide, made scary noise and showed them the nazi sign i drew on my hand. I always make ugly or funny faces to little children when theyre parents are not watching. I talked to a horse once, and im still sure he understood me. Im at uni right now and theres a grandpa sitting next to me in class. It happens. I saw my dad all naked one day, i still feel embarassed about it. Visited lots of country but im thirsty and want more. I practice another way of love. When im puking im always laughing at the same time, weird results. I'm convinced animals understand us and make fun of us. I passed an audition to join a rock n roll band and i succeed it! So now i have two bands. Things are getting more interesting now! And i seriously gotta stop here. Damn.