I've been walking on the road, wandering in the alley of why, dancing on the streets, and shouting in a crowd, meeting myself and you world. I realized i was someone that could make people dream. And i'm dreaming with them. With you. And i'm still crying of course but not as deep as before. Only when i'm tired enough to think things are unfair. I'm discovering every part of me, of you, of him. What effect i can have on the world. Im digging it. That shit's becoming sooo spiritual haha. Sorry but this help to live i think. My way is lighting. Or maybe it's only because the sun is shining on our world again. That makes life easier. In so excited about everything, even looking for another job. Why not being a waitress, that could be fun, then ill be rich inside. Full of experimentations. A couple of swedish hippies asked about my life. It was insane and our eyes were wide like moon. But it's not the point. I told them about experimentations, about living life, about SACRED and SACRYING things. They told me i was crazy, that i made them dreaming. Ive never been so true to myself when i thought i was proud.
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I realized i've never really introduced myself here. It's not that I feel like doing it, and I don't think I would be able to do it anyway. And don't worry, I'm not going to try. I just realized introducing yourself is so different depending on who you're talking to, in which situation. How to introduce? Values, Virtues, Hobbies, Vices hehe, Carreer (this is a really boring way to do it seriously guys. Who cares? Obviously, it helps you to position a person in what you know from the world)... And you have to choose perfectly what aspect to show, because, you don't have a lot of time to introduce you. I mean, when you're in front of someone and you wanna please. You have to be the new, the change. I told once (whether you're faithful) i could introduce myself with words that make me shake, the ones i believe in. There are plenty of ones. But the hard work is to go back to the first sense. and to find the ones that sum up the holly whole. I wonder if one day I could find THE only word that could describe me, and also what I believe in, where I come from and where I'm going to. This would be incredible.
If I knew how it would become I wouldn't have shout that loud. It's like when it's five in the morning, and the neighbour comes out with a bathrobe on and a golf club in the hands, because you're making too much noise. If I knew. Or maybe i didn't have anything to know it's only that live changes. Like a train, it is taking another path, i really don't know. The king has played with her princess, she's the only one for him. But his heart is too weak, and disappear too much time. He believes he's still a prince. He'll stay a prince. We were sharing the most of us (next to the rainy sun), our blood, our truth, our eyes mixing. I loved you at that moment. Our music reasonning, like the proof this could work. But he didnt listen clearly. And if only he knew too. I think this really can be called sad. Cause I think this is the end of something. Here's my problem, Im imagining i'm living an end of something, like all my world is turning, and letting coming out a new part, an unknown part, a terrifying new part. We had so much fun, he and I, it didn't ever end, each time i'm going to the realm I know this is going to be fantastic. I know he is still attracted by thoses eyes, this heart. It will always be his lost love, the thing is that he never wished more. And the thing is, when those moments will come, I also get to know this won't last. Tomorrow won't craddle us. Even if his words were beautiful, the most wanted. I don't think I'm crazy to think like that. Thats his fault. I mean that, he means that. HEY. Perfect. whats perfect is that I don't know if I'm true but here's another question to answer to. I got life for that, i gotta live for that. in the other hand, the princess' loving heart is now safe. I see clearly, yeah see-through. He's not the best I could have found. Hahahaha fuck you M. Anyway here was about the King. Remember I found a new part of me. On the balcony of the theater. Daddy boss embarassing us. That dopy marquis. That unbelievable part of person. A philosopher in love with words, always showing a strong shield, but i noticed a weakness inside : he might be sometimes too cynical to be strong. (My defintion of strength). I feel alive with him. Thats totally crazy. It's like he offered me wings, or the right to do everything i want when we met. Literature calling us, music, our six strings, his production, and mine beside. On the road. What I love with him is that i create things with him. I really feel like giving my life a break. I don't know which word to use, he's sincerely one of the craziest meeting i've ever done. Anyway. See I just introduced him. I introduced him through my eyes of course. Thats not him i told you about, that was "my him". And I know he can't lie, sometimes this is rude. But he's so right. And so and so. Things are getting pretty weird with him, and we're getting closer. He makes me fly, and sometimes i realize he's hurting me. And I'm scared and I'd hate to love him. i'd hate him to love me. That would break everything. OR we're in love since the first sight. But no things will change. Told once the hunter couldn't be in love with the deer, so he couldn't be the hunter. And i was the deer. I mean, I am. Yes this is ridiculous. But we're having fun. Even having sex in the toilets at work is less fun than laughing with him. I feel like beung a new one with him, that's maybe why i'm imagining i'm ending something. I fear nothing with him. But this is not LOVE. Oh hey time are getting sooo maya and pagan. The symbol of air is about to run on my arm for eternity. This will help me to remember, and recall life's prority, and purpose. I really think living is an art. Haha. My two gifts are not being heared atm. I look forward to have news from'em. Music is THE most crazy thing that ever existed. I realized (i realized a lot those last times ahah) how powerful i could be with my six strings on. I just have been aware that music was on my hands, if will is on place then everything is offered to you. An instrument is an amazing thing to hold in hands, when there's the awareness of the basis of creation. It only missed you to create, to go on, to full its goal. That's beautiful. Like hope, Ô Hope. And i think John Mayer has never been so true singing "it's not that we don't care, we just know that the fight ain't fair, so we keep on waiting. Waiting on the world to change." Poetry and literature. Let's talk about it. I wrote a new poem about Jazz. Yep. And what i love in poetry in the beauty of saying something, the music of the words, this can be so strong and touchy. I just love it. i knowww. I needed to vomit everything i kept inside, sorry! On the road's my bible. And I'm aware i'm really influenced by the BEAT writers. But they're totally awesome, they beat your ass yes they do. Haha. That the way I really choose. Oh my, i noticed that i was really wondering before, now I am kind of more affirmative. Maybe it means that i learn some goddam things for Chrissake (yes yes Salinger)! But don't worry you invisible audience that i love (lets believe it) i'm not finish with myself, i'm building a holly skyscraper. Yes.