I was there from the beginning in the adrenaline circulating in your parents veins, when they were making love to conceive you. And then in the fluid that your Mom was pomping in your heart as you were only a parasite. I came to you before you even started to talk, and to understand what people was saying to you. I was there when, you were awkwardly trying to walk for the first time in front of all these amused and scornful eyes. When you were without protection and exposed, when you were vulnerable and needy. I appeared in your life holding the magic thought in my hand. Were there ... superstitions and exhortations, fetishes and amulets, the ritual incantations, customs and tradition... your masters, brothers and friends... Before you knew i existed, i divided your soul in a world of lights and another of obscurity. A world of right things, and another of bad things. I brought you the feeling of shame, showed everything in you that's bad, ugly, stupid, unpleasant. I stuck on you a "different" tag, when for the first time i told you in your ear that something in you was going wrong. I'm existing since, before the conscience, before the guilt, before the time beginning, since Adam had been ashamed of his body when he realized he was naked, and covered it. I'm the unwanted guest, the unwanted visitor and yet i am the first to arrive, and the last to leave. And i became powerful. Watching your religion's precepts that shows what to do to be accepted by God. Undergoing your classmates' cruel jokes when they were making fun of your difficulties. Supporting your superior's humiliations. Watching your lanky shape in the mirror, and then comparing it with the famous people's body that you see on television. And now, at last, strong as I am simply because of being a woman, being black, being Jewish, being homosexual, being oriental, being disqualified, being tall, small or fat... I can transform you into a rubbish heap, a waste, a scapegoat, an universal head, a cursed, a low down bastard. Generations and generations of human being are supporting me. You can't get out of me. The pain I cause is so unbearable that you'll have to transmit me to your children to support me. So they would transmit me to their own children for centuries. to help you and your descent, i will dress up as perfectionism, ideals, self-criticism, patriotism, morality, proper ways, self control.The pain I'm causing to you is that heavy that you'd like to deny me, and for that, you'll try to hide me behind your characters, behind drugs, behind struggles for money, behind your neuroses, behind your unbrindled sexuality, but whatever you do, wherever you go, i'll be there, always there. Because i'm travelling with you, night and day, without respites and limits. Im the main reason of dependance, possessiveness, effort, immorality, fear, violence, crime, madness. I taught you the fear of being rejected and i conditioned your existence to this fear. you depend on me to still be this person surrounded, desired, applauded, friendly and pleasant that you're showing today to the other. You depend on me because i'm the safe ion which you hid the most disagreeable, the most ridiculous, the less desirable things of yourself. Thank to me, you leanrt how to be satisfied ot what life gives you. Because then again everything you'll live will be always more that you think you deserve.